New year blues

So, I am back at work, I am one year older and regretting coming back to the UK.  Mostly because I feel I am missing out by not being in Switzerland.  I miss the skiing, hell I miss ski school. Everyone says, "Oh you'll be fine", "it will be good for you living at your mum's" but you know what - it SUCKS.  I have no friends, just colleagues at work and we are not close enough that we socialise. None of them do.  I don't meet anyone because I don't go out.  Mainly my own fault because I have nowhere to go. Anything I want to do involves doing something myself e.g. going to the library, cinema.  I know the people my sister works with, but not very closely.  Everyone is an "acquaintance" and the only option they are interested in is drinking. Which I am avoiding.  I am so lonely. and I don't know how to help myself.  I don't think anyone at group wants to meet up at other times and I can only do evenings anyway, when I am knackered from work.
I have asked my GP for a private referral to the outpatient private clinic as I am at the end of my tether and the mental health services here aren't interested, so I am going to have to pay privately. Ironic really, couldn't afford private treatment in Switzerland anymore and now I have to fund myself in the UK.
I know since the beginning of December my mood has been peaking and troughing, but it is nudging lower.  The feelings of self harm are coming back.
I wish I was back in Switzerland, I might not have been popular, but at least I felt part of something, instead of drifting like I am now.  I wish I was back in Cornwall where I truly felt at home. Right now, I can't see much in the way of positive things, even though I have a roof over my head and am earning.  It's hard to explain to those of you who might be thinking I am wallowing in self indulgance.  It's not like that.  It's hard when you get to the point where you cannot connect with anything and when I don't connect then there is space in my head for the negativity which is always there, underlying like a thin line, to come flooding in and it is harder to fight.
I know when I am on the way down when all I want to do is sleep as an escape.  Saturday (my birthday) I slept all day.  Last night I was lights out at 7.30pm, went straight to sleep and when my alarm went off at 7 a.m. I wanted to roll over and hide.

Psychiatrist report

A while back, I asked my Psychiatrist in Switzerland whether he would write a report for my GP over here which he could then refer to the mental health team.  Well bless him, my Psych sent it to me today to "proof read" his english before he sends it!
While I am familiar with my diagnosiseseseseses, this report summarises 5 years plus of Psychiatric treatment and contained some gems which were hinted at but I didn't want to ask what the label was.
It is interesting reading.
I may share some more of this once I have taken the report in more fully.
But it sounds so like me, even if I didn't realise that someone else knew.  It's like he has read my diary.